It might be hard to give up control in our lives but we, as Christians, need to recognize that God has a plan and had the ultimate say in all things.
I’m learning, and have been learning, this lesson the hard way for the past…all of my life? (So let’s say 19 years).
As a person, I am very imaginative and it’s pretty easy to get my hopes up. You can tell me tonight that tomorrow you have plans to take me out and I will imagine a billion different scenarios in my head before you finish your sentence. I like to imagine. Imagination is important to me. It’s also often my biggest heartbreaker.
I like to imagine things a million different ways and make it perfect and make it magical and in my head I lead my perfect life. But what about my actual life? Sometimes I’m so much in my own head imagining things and envisioning futures that I forget what I should be doing or that my life is right in front of me and I should be living it instead of imagining I’m living it.
When opportunities knock on my door I’m quick to imagine everything going perfectly. But things almost never go how you planned.
I know in my heart that when God opens a door for you no one can take that blessing away. No one can stop you from walking through it and getting what he gives you but yourself. But I also know that it is according to His will.
Ever since I was a child I heard my family and my pastor and congregation praying “Señor ha la obra como tu quieres. Que no sea nuestra voluntad pero la tuya” which means “Lord do this how you want it. Let it not be our will but yours.” Jesus himself said :
And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
You see the will of God is perfect and He knows all things. Our will is not even near perfect. Our sight is so short, we cannot possibly see things the way God does.
When I was applying to colleges I was so adamant about going to NYU. I prayed and prayed and prepared and prayed and prepared some more. I told God how much I wanted to go there and I begged him to help me get accepted.
I got accepted, but for financial reasons going to my dream school was just not a possibility. You can imagine I was devastated. I cried and cried and cried. I looked for other ways to go. I tried to convince my parents I could handle a $60,000 loan. I googled till the cows came home and I called the school and stayed on hold for ages to try and get them to give me any financial aid.
But it wasn’t going to happen. I wracked my brain and cried and fought but that door was closed. Looking back on it now, I spent a year and a half at Brooklyn College (I’m taking a year off to save money and try and help my parents) it has been the biggest blessing.
At Brooklyn I met some of the most amazing people. I had a physics class where when we had to do labs my partner sang worship songs while she worked and I could hear her and knew that it was God at work. Through her I met my friend Christian who I consider one of my closest friends and who has such a beautiful dynamic and relationship with Christ. The friendship I had with these two while at school gave me a newfound confidence in who I was as a person and who I could become with Christ.
And I can’t leave out JD, who I spent an entire semester in class with but didn’t speak to until after I’d screwed up my final and almost failed the class. To this day he will send me a bible verse when I least expect it. I don’t even know how many times I was sitting there slumped and defeated and the verse he sent lifted my spirit.
God has an interesting way of working. You will never understand it, but all you have to do is trust it.
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. It never is. When you have everything planned out and it all goes wrong. It won’t be easy. And when you have nothing planned out are are simply waiting, it might even be worse. But have faith in God. Just have faith.
I spent most of today telling myself that. In the back of my mind was a constant “alright God, I know you have a reason behind everything. Just help me.”
I’d been praying for a certain job position that had been mentioned to me for about a week or two now. I’ve been praying for God to give me the right job for longer than that but I was sort of semi offered one that I thought would be more than perfect. I’d already started planing outfits in my head and what I would have on my desk. You know, imagining.
Quite literally God sent me the answer.
I was praying in my living room and I’m praying for a lot of things and then when I start praying about this position, I’m telling God how perfect it is and what I could do with it and how I could grow and asking him to move things in my favor and that moment my Dad calls.
I though “Jesus could this be it?”
The conversation started with “Hey honey, unfortunately”
And it was it, but not the it I was hoping for.
Am I disappointed? Yes.
So I’m telling myself all the time “Alright God, I know you have a reason behind everything. I know mine is out there. You’ve got it saved.”
And I’m writing this now to remind myself. And to help anyone else that might need it.
If you scrunch up your frustrations and try to fight with God it won’t go anywhere. Just ask for His peace.
His peace and His love.
Have faith in Him, He’s got this.